Its About 'Tard

I haven't posted anything in a while and that's why i couldn't be a blogger because i write personal thoughts in a "venting" tone in a public forum. I think of it as my form of therapy. Naturally this mean i need inspiration....and emotionally spark usually in the form of frustration. Bliss numbs my mind. Long story short....Here I am!! Back!...(for how long, I have no idea).

So what subject is bringing me back? Sephora, the international beauty and cosmetic retailer, has just had to put a Kat Von D lipstick called "Celebutard". The Lipstick is a blush tone seen on from classic weddings to many red carpet celebrities like Kim Kardashian. There was outpour of people calling the name "derogatory", "mocking", "insensitive" and "insulting" on the products review page, Twitter,and emails. Apparently several organizations representing Down Syndrome and other developmental disabilities jumped on this too. What is this about?

huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/07/celebutard-lipstick-sephora_n_4233966.html

First let me broaden the scope a little...
Some people went online or in store to:
- Buy $19 lipstick +
- In a color that's the natural color of your lips if you were dead in a morgue +
- created by a women whose legacy is being the mistress to a rock-a-billy man Sandra Bullock  
   mistakenly married +
- that probably includes colors tested on animals and additives that have some toxicity
 And its the name of the product they are concerned with!?!?!

Celebutard was a word co-inspired by Paris Hilton referring to celebrities whose fame was based on publicty stunts and no real talent. Go ahead...Google it. "Retard" is a French word meaning late/slow. It was us, humans, with our creative application of adjectives that turned it into a derogatory term...no different from gay or bitch or black. Celebutard if anything is a mocking of the reality stars who we, the audience, have help rise in stardom for nothing else but creating scripted drama. So whom are these people angry at? the celebutard that thought of naming this lipstick as such? Or us....YOU...for putting it on the news, playing victim, and giving something to "fight" since your own shameful decisions and poorly-developed prioritization skills led you to pick up lipstick from Kat Von D's line to begin with.

When are we going to stop letting words offend us? Why are we giving others so much power and influence over our feelings? Why are we soooo sensitive as a "modern" society about things like this...but Honey Boo Boo lack of age appropriate behavior, Jersey Shore Sexual and alcohol antics, Real Housewife's backstabbing, Bad Girl's fighting, and the Bachelor go on with no major ethics fight. This is not about a product name. This is not about disabilities. This is about how some people have allowed only 4 letters that make a sound that reminds them of pain, struggling, and disadvantage. I can think of other 4 letters ending a word that starts with Bull. I suggest sending letters about wasting money military contracts instead of more on education, small business loans or RESEARCH to aid people with disabilities. This is about priorities... 

Sidenote: I have a lipstick called Chunky Monkey. On behalf of the large women in my family and in the world...on behalf of monkeys that eat too many bananas I'm going to fight to remove it.

Pauldine

Exposed to a Good Spanking - I Hated You, Mom

I was a good kid that sometimes did bad things. I always did my homework without being told, drank my carrot juice for good vision (my Lasik operation 2 years ago proved the carrot thing didn’t work so well) avoided the bad crowd, and never cared for red panties (my mom said they were for grown ups). Nonetheless, I ran my mouth and talked back, interrupted people as they spoke, jumped in and out of cars, chewed with my mouth open, and hated eating oatmeal. I wasn’t ADD or anything, I just liked pushing limits and when I did my mom would swiftly pull my ear or spank me. I hated her. I used to day dream about those kids in the US that called 911 to complain about their parents. I would wonder why she was releasing her wrath on me when I was just a kid. Why wouldn’t my mom just let me enjoy the freedoms of my youth like ice cream for breakfast, playing in the garden in my church clothes, and hitting kids that called me a nerd without boobs. It was like she was always taking everyone else’s side. “Respect your elders”, she would scold, “a lady doesn’t do that”, “you’ll thank me when you get older”, and “God will send you to hell”. Although exaggerated, the last statement is still one I’m not quite too sure of and I still don’t have children, I do want to thank my mother now that I’m older.
In the 1950’s, Marilyn Monroe was the “bad girl” but today she would be considered uneventful. Drugs, sex, tight dresses, and scandalous relationships? That’s yesterday’s news; way-back-when news. Marilyn didn’t really get famous until dying her locks into the famed platinum blonde then worked the “dumb” act both on and off the screen. With curves and a Happy Birthday song, Marilyn was hated by women and but secretly admired for her one –life –to-live attitude (wonder what life she’s living now?)

Many years later, Madonna with equally blonde mane took scandal to an entirely new level. She shocked with more sex then her predecessor, more nudity, bi-sexuality and even a short bestiality stint. She built a brand and a business around acting out men’s fantasies and making public a women’s inner naughtiness. Since Madonna, there has been several “bad girls” from Courtney Love to Britney Spears to Christina Aguilera; leading to today’s underwear-as-outwear, bisexual, red carpet /on-stage shocker, Lady Gaga (is it just me or my description of Lady Gaga is almost exactly that of Madonna’s - humm).
Blondes however aren’t the only ones having the fun, Rihanna combined Linda Evangelista-like hair changes , Lady Gaga’s underwear outfits, Grace Jones “ish” flair for artistic street fashion and Tina Turner-like post-physical abuse fame to become the billboard for (not just yummy coconut water) good girl gone bad. Then there’s Nicki Manaj, appropriately named since she is a trifecta of Lil Kim-like (wanna be) raunchy rhyms, Madonna’s bisexually (there is a theme here), and Gwen Stefani from back on the No Doubt days (remember them?) with themed costumes. Katy Perry also has a thing for ridiculous cartoon character outfits but I know what you are saying , “she’s not a raunchy, underwear prancing, dirty mouth female”, right? Well she did “kiss a girl” and liked-it.

Enough about music and dead a dead actress, today we’ve got something closer to home, Reality TV. Attention whores like Kim Kardashian (referring her sex tape with Ray J, not her show) , heiresses claiming throne from everything from nightclub tables, dumb one liners, and even prison like Paris Hilton and child actors turned druggy, alcoholic and self-choosing lesbian (there it goes again) like Lindsey Lohan, has taught us is that real talent, class, and lady-like behavior is a non-issue when it comes to acquiring fame in fortune. Mothers will still let their 12 year old daughters watch and “follow” these heroines (note – this word can be interchanged with heroin, the drug for its detrimental and addictive reference in this post) both on tv and celebrity “news” magazines only to wonder just 5 years from now why they have tattoos by their crotch that state “Been there? Then You’ve done that.” Why? Because they were too busy online shopping, reading self-help books that told them a “secret” we all already knew and watching shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta. RHOA, although admittingly funny, is a bunch of grown women (mothers) that gained financial freedom primarily from being married to hideous men. Now, that is not shocker as lots of women have done that throught history and do that today (how they do it is a mystery – eww). The problem is these are American women can’t even speak English, despite their money they can’t dress with any style, fight like school girls, globally-ignorant BUT think they are American high society! Despite all the changes in the world, the statement , money can’t buy class, is more evident then ever. If I was from Atlanta, I would vote for their homes to be annexed to a new burrow called Sub-Atlanta Par. America is watching though and several parts of the world; We watch because we are addicted to what-will-she-do-next like heroin. Our feeding frenzy for the next shock has led us, some elders and most youth to give characters like this as much attention as possible. As I watched the show, I couldn’t help but wonder what will my children watch someday? What would hold more weight: bestiality music videos in 3D or my nagging? What would I have become if my mom hadn’t made the lines clear between equal buddies and strict parenting? What if my mom let me wear the red panties like the other 14 year old girl and get a boob job at 16 as I had begged reinforcing my inner feelings of not being one of the “pretty” ones during my growth phase? What if instead of watching Sesame Street, I had watched Simpsons or Keeping up with the Kardashians instead of Saved by the Bell, or My Sweet Sixteen instead of the Discovery channel?

To Mom – thank you for all of the spanking, nagging, shouting, and punishment I was too self-loathing to understand. Because of you, my Facebook isn’t filled with come-and-get-me-but-I’m-a-good-girl boob and ass shots, I wear my underwear under my clothing (but I do wear red ones now), and I watch and follow some of these “celebs” as pure comedy and an example of what I don’t want my children to be like someday. (gulp) You were right.

Ladiess Tuesday Cosmopolitan - Cakes and Strut

This is day 3 of the do's and don'ts of reflecting a classy image without sacrificing sex appeal or comfort when on the dating/socializing scene. These series of posts are not to be offensive but instead the light at the end of the taste tunnel.

Sorry this post is coming so late but after Valentine's Day yesterday, I was a little out of it today.

How the blog is broken up: an individual's appeal starts with first impression then moves to personality/body language.

DISCLAIMER (reminder): Because there were SO many different things to write about on this subject, I decided to stick to 1 main issue each night of the Valentine's Day week 2011, one for the ladies and 1 for the gents, alternating. Ladies again....

Tuesday, February 15

LADIES

First Impression

• Caked up. I see them all of the time. I know some of them personally. The ladies that take 2 hours to pile on 3 layers of cosmetics in order to improve their beauty. This habit dates back to the time of Cleopatra around 30BC, way before cosmetic surgery and skin care became a billion dollar business. So why with all of the innovations for skin protection and skin improvement, that ladies still feel the need to cover every inch of their face, whether day or night, with enough coloring to paint a mid-sized car? As a woman, I ,too, have a collection of Nars, MAC, Bobbi Brown, L'Oreal, among others. I don't even use of all the things I buy. I just like to feel I have everything I need, and like in my toddler years, I love seeing all of the colors in my box (boxes, actually). I think many women can relate to this. Makeup is a necessary part of our regimen. It is our womanly right to cover up and enhance whatever in order to beguile men and our female peers into believing we are as perfect as the woman next door or the one on the cover. I get it. Age doesn't do a woman's body any good. Between dark eye circles, enlarged pores, sun spots, blotchy skin - list goes on of possibilities - we have to work to keep things together. But this isn't for the average woman. This is for THAT woman. My issue is with the women that thins out their eyebrows just to paint them back in with a pencil. My concern is with the women that coordinates their makeup to reflect the colors in their outfits. My thoughts pertain to the women whose face has so much primer, concealer, foundation and powder that their faces become as hard to stay as it is to cut a piece of lasagna while keeping the layers in tack. It is to those women that keep leaving stains on my face and shirt when giving me welcoming hugs and kisses. Some people out there owe a lot of dry cleaning money.....As always, I have my little list of cues and suggestions for improving this horrible state which I call, Unrestrained Facial Morphia (UFM)
  

1. Eyebrows. FYI:..the more you wax and pluck, the less they grow so keep that in mind when you are having someone rip out half of your eyebrows. Get a clue: Pencils NEVER replicate the look of an actual brow!!!! Especially the black ones! I just don't get it. Ever seen a clown at the circus? Ever take a good look at Minnie Mouse? You think that's hot? If you don't think your brows are full enough, there is a right way for filling them up. A) You can have your brows tinted at the salon to a shade 1-2 shades darker than your hair. B) Buy an angled tip eyeshadow brow and use eyeshadow using sweeping motions that would replicate the direction your brows grow C) Too used to the pencil? Buy a pencil made for brows in the color of your brows, not your hair or hair color you wished you were. Finish off with clear mascara to create a finished clean look that won't budge. Look in the mirror right now. Are you surprised as the simplicity of the tips? Or you just just look surprised because you crayoned your brow too high?
   
2. Eye lids. I am a big advocate for going out and putting the make up artistry skills to the test. I've blended up to 3 colors to create the perfect hue to make my eyes pop but I know my limits. I know I can't do all of the tricks I see in the magazines, and as a black woman, I prefer not to attempt the trendy citrus bright yellow hitting the runways. Know when to stop! Your eye lids don't have to match your purple, green and red polka dot dress (God forbid you would even want to wear a dress like that - your issue would really be color blindness)! Colors change by season so go accordingly but keeping in mind that your skin tone should determine which colors to wear, not your outfit. TIP. Metallics and Glitter during the day is off putting. Would you wear a silver sequined top to work? If your answer is yes, then once again, your problem is way deeper than this post can address. TIP: If going to play up the eyes, go subtle on the lips. POW on the eyes and BAM on the lips is an epileptic's nightmare. TOO MUCH TOO LOOK AT. Pick one, preferably, your preferred feature and keep yourself from looking like a Vegas showgirl.
   
3. Blushing. Ok...Do you know what blush is supposed to do? The purpose originally was to give pale women the look of being sun kissed and child like by giving the appearance of full cheeks. That intent has not changed. So why do so many ladies look like they stepped out of their place after a domestic dispute??? I can't tell if its too much blush or if I should call the police and report a woman beater! The best way to avoid this is to apply blush last. Also make sure you keep you brush clean or avoid over depositing. Tap your brush with the blush before apply to remove excess. Choose colors that look like what would rosy cheeks would look like after a little sun. If you are trying to make your face look thinner, use bronzer or a foundation 1-2 shades darker for a more natural effect. Please help stop all of the 911 abuse false alarms.
4. Your Base. There are 3 steps here: Concealer, Foundation and Powder. My tip is only do these 3 if you are going out at night to somewhere where you might sweat or is dark, going to photo shoot or are over 45. Concealer is to..you guessed it..conceal! If you apply it all over your face, you might as well wear a paper bag over your head or should consult a cosmetic dermatologist/surgeon. Apply lightly under the eyes or on any spots. That's all you need. Your foundation should be a light one for the day and a heavier if needed for more engaging events. Powder should be dusted lightly with a brush and not with those bacteria filled pads., It serves to set the entire look. Use a translucent one for day. These are commonly known tips so I'll go the issue that bothers me the most -- WHEN THE COLORS DON'T MATCH YOUR SKIN!!! Everyone can tell that sharp line between the jaw and the neck. Black girls like ashy while their neck is chocolate. White girls look orange or bright pink while their neck looks ivory. Since you can't apply makeup ALL OVER your body (unless you are a supermodel or Kim Kardashian), people can tell that the color difference comes from makeup. Remember, makeup is supposed to enhance what you already have, not morph you into another face. Besides, you know how disappointing it is when a significant other's pillow is damaged or sees the real you in the morning. Men think its beer goggles but its actually it's the make up mask lifted. Don't be THAT girl.

Personality and Body Language

• Off Stride. There is nothing more unattractive that a woman that can't walk in heels and walks like she had an 800lbs gorilla on her shoulders. Stand up straight! If Haitian women can walk up hills and mountain sides with buckets of water balanced on cloth and still stand up straight -- SO CAN YOU! When a woman walks into a space, aside form the way she looks, there is an energy that she gives off with her eye contact, stance, and stride. A woman in control of her body movement is a woman that can exude power, class, respect and charm - all at once. Do you know why so many of us are in awe at models on the runway? Because there is something is the long line from toe to head coming as you with hips swaying. Whether you are 4ft or 6ft, standing tall, walking comfortably straight, eyes up and glancing around, and a good posture, says don't ____ with me. I've seen so many women degrade amazing shoes by walking like a duck with toes pointed out, wobbly or stomping like they are rain dancing. Life is a runway honey...work it! As far as we know, your life show only has 1 premiere so take advantage and make everywhere you walk into your stage to exude confidence (even if you aren't so confident). This can get you jobs AND dates. If you think you can't walk in heels, then start low or buy a bigger size! TIP: If you know there is a possibility that you will be spending over 2 hours standing up or walking around, don't wear the shoes YOU KNOW are going to kill your feet after 20 minutes for the sake of looking cute. Why? Because when you have to sit down for an hour while everyone else is still up or have that I-can't-feel-my-toes face, everyone can see it. You stop the flow of things around you because of your shoes. (TIP TO THE GUYS: A woman has needs a 1 hour up and 20 minute down, stand to sit ratio. This is as much as we can give you without wearing sneakers or grand ma shoes. Plan accordingly. Don't park too far. Find a stool at the bar for her. Do the right thing and it will play in your favor)

:-)

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