Exposed to a Good Spanking - I Hated You, Mom

I was a good kid that sometimes did bad things. I always did my homework without being told, drank my carrot juice for good vision (my Lasik operation 2 years ago proved the carrot thing didn’t work so well) avoided the bad crowd, and never cared for red panties (my mom said they were for grown ups). Nonetheless, I ran my mouth and talked back, interrupted people as they spoke, jumped in and out of cars, chewed with my mouth open, and hated eating oatmeal. I wasn’t ADD or anything, I just liked pushing limits and when I did my mom would swiftly pull my ear or spank me. I hated her. I used to day dream about those kids in the US that called 911 to complain about their parents. I would wonder why she was releasing her wrath on me when I was just a kid. Why wouldn’t my mom just let me enjoy the freedoms of my youth like ice cream for breakfast, playing in the garden in my church clothes, and hitting kids that called me a nerd without boobs. It was like she was always taking everyone else’s side. “Respect your elders”, she would scold, “a lady doesn’t do that”, “you’ll thank me when you get older”, and “God will send you to hell”. Although exaggerated, the last statement is still one I’m not quite too sure of and I still don’t have children, I do want to thank my mother now that I’m older.
In the 1950’s, Marilyn Monroe was the “bad girl” but today she would be considered uneventful. Drugs, sex, tight dresses, and scandalous relationships? That’s yesterday’s news; way-back-when news. Marilyn didn’t really get famous until dying her locks into the famed platinum blonde then worked the “dumb” act both on and off the screen. With curves and a Happy Birthday song, Marilyn was hated by women and but secretly admired for her one –life –to-live attitude (wonder what life she’s living now?)

Many years later, Madonna with equally blonde mane took scandal to an entirely new level. She shocked with more sex then her predecessor, more nudity, bi-sexuality and even a short bestiality stint. She built a brand and a business around acting out men’s fantasies and making public a women’s inner naughtiness. Since Madonna, there has been several “bad girls” from Courtney Love to Britney Spears to Christina Aguilera; leading to today’s underwear-as-outwear, bisexual, red carpet /on-stage shocker, Lady Gaga (is it just me or my description of Lady Gaga is almost exactly that of Madonna’s - humm).
Blondes however aren’t the only ones having the fun, Rihanna combined Linda Evangelista-like hair changes , Lady Gaga’s underwear outfits, Grace Jones “ish” flair for artistic street fashion and Tina Turner-like post-physical abuse fame to become the billboard for (not just yummy coconut water) good girl gone bad. Then there’s Nicki Manaj, appropriately named since she is a trifecta of Lil Kim-like (wanna be) raunchy rhyms, Madonna’s bisexually (there is a theme here), and Gwen Stefani from back on the No Doubt days (remember them?) with themed costumes. Katy Perry also has a thing for ridiculous cartoon character outfits but I know what you are saying , “she’s not a raunchy, underwear prancing, dirty mouth female”, right? Well she did “kiss a girl” and liked-it.

Enough about music and dead a dead actress, today we’ve got something closer to home, Reality TV. Attention whores like Kim Kardashian (referring her sex tape with Ray J, not her show) , heiresses claiming throne from everything from nightclub tables, dumb one liners, and even prison like Paris Hilton and child actors turned druggy, alcoholic and self-choosing lesbian (there it goes again) like Lindsey Lohan, has taught us is that real talent, class, and lady-like behavior is a non-issue when it comes to acquiring fame in fortune. Mothers will still let their 12 year old daughters watch and “follow” these heroines (note – this word can be interchanged with heroin, the drug for its detrimental and addictive reference in this post) both on tv and celebrity “news” magazines only to wonder just 5 years from now why they have tattoos by their crotch that state “Been there? Then You’ve done that.” Why? Because they were too busy online shopping, reading self-help books that told them a “secret” we all already knew and watching shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta. RHOA, although admittingly funny, is a bunch of grown women (mothers) that gained financial freedom primarily from being married to hideous men. Now, that is not shocker as lots of women have done that throught history and do that today (how they do it is a mystery – eww). The problem is these are American women can’t even speak English, despite their money they can’t dress with any style, fight like school girls, globally-ignorant BUT think they are American high society! Despite all the changes in the world, the statement , money can’t buy class, is more evident then ever. If I was from Atlanta, I would vote for their homes to be annexed to a new burrow called Sub-Atlanta Par. America is watching though and several parts of the world; We watch because we are addicted to what-will-she-do-next like heroin. Our feeding frenzy for the next shock has led us, some elders and most youth to give characters like this as much attention as possible. As I watched the show, I couldn’t help but wonder what will my children watch someday? What would hold more weight: bestiality music videos in 3D or my nagging? What would I have become if my mom hadn’t made the lines clear between equal buddies and strict parenting? What if my mom let me wear the red panties like the other 14 year old girl and get a boob job at 16 as I had begged reinforcing my inner feelings of not being one of the “pretty” ones during my growth phase? What if instead of watching Sesame Street, I had watched Simpsons or Keeping up with the Kardashians instead of Saved by the Bell, or My Sweet Sixteen instead of the Discovery channel?

To Mom – thank you for all of the spanking, nagging, shouting, and punishment I was too self-loathing to understand. Because of you, my Facebook isn’t filled with come-and-get-me-but-I’m-a-good-girl boob and ass shots, I wear my underwear under my clothing (but I do wear red ones now), and I watch and follow some of these “celebs” as pure comedy and an example of what I don’t want my children to be like someday. (gulp) You were right.