SNAP OUT OF IT...
Forget psychics, your horoscope, and what the "others" say. They don't know much more than you do. Hell, you can even forget what I say (written)......but answering the first question should come from your gut. What's the gut? It's your instinct. That's little voice inside of you that says "this is good" and "watch out!" that we sometimes ignore to give into other "talking" parts. How do I know if its telling me the truth? You don't. That's the gamble in life, love, and human interactions in general. We have to take the leap, but a calculated one. Below, I've complied a general list based on several conversations I've had with both male and female friends (varying ages, sexual orientation, social status, race, religion) on how to tell if someone really likes you sincerely, or NOT. Since I, too, have a 50% chance of getting confused between my gut instincts and my hopes, I was happy to realize that no matter how much you think you know, there is always more to learn.
Consider below a list of modern day cues, challenged myths and harmless tests in the search for true feelings. They broken down into categories of "LIKES YOU", "NOT" and WOFT (Watch Out For Thorns). Specific exceptions may follow some of these points indicated by "BUT" (couldn't think of any floral references for this word). As you read, you'll get it. I'm sure the A.D.D is kicking in already...
DISCLAIMER: a) This list in non-exclusive. There are several other thoughts, suggestions and tips I didn't include so don't write me telling me "you forgot to say blah blah". I'm not writing a novel here. b) Just because this list clarifies your questions doesn't mean that they aren't subject to change. Love/Like are emotions and emotions are constantly evolving. Only apply these points, to your situation as it stands now, immediate future or in recent past.
- Meeting the parents. WOFT. First of all if they live at home, then you kindda have to meet their parents anyway so that negates any voluntary intention. Back in the days, meeting parents were the ultimate approval step. Now? I've heard of parents having breakfast with a 1 night stand. Observe to see if they may have one of those "modern" families where they know about everything and everyone because they have an open-minded mentally. If they say, "Hope you stick around long"...then run.
- Meeting the best friends. WOFT. This means nothing. Their friends may be the sweetest and coolest people but they may just actually be just that...cool. Their interest is their friend's best interest. If their friend's interest is you on a temporary basis, they'll be cool with it. Don't just start exchanging numbers off the bat and trying too hard to make them like you. BUT if all of their friends are coupled up every time you hang out, this may mean something different. Let your gut tell you if they're just using you to not feel left out though.
- Friend in Need. LIKES YOU. They are and want to be there for you even when you don't ask for help...not in a "I have nothing better to do" or "I need a hobby" way. They just want to contribute to making things within their capacity, easier for you, without anything in return. For example, you've been working long hours and didn't have time to get food earlier (but you can now), but they still make you dinner or get some for you. Another example, you are stuck at an appointment and need to get stamps before the post office closes. Without needing to ask, they volunteer to get you some and drop them off at your place after work. BUT if they ask you to get naked after helping, every time, or now have a list of favors to ask you all of the time...beware.
- Overly Jealous. NOT. Most people would say that the jealousy is the sign of someone that just can't bare the thought of losing them. This is not true. Overly jealous people are insecure, possessive, control-freaks, and extremely attention hungry. Someone can not care about you at all and still be jealous! That's because they feel you are their bone (canine analogy) until they are done with you...and EVEN THEN can still want claim on you. There are people who date several people at once and still want each persons' undivided loyalty! Remember, this is a character flaw and most likely will never change so you have to figure out if this is something you can handle giving your personality, lifestyle and habits. BUT, if the jealousy is subtle, quiet, passive and infrequent, then this is a good sign. A little rational jealousy is good. Keeps the other person on their toes and can be an indication that they demand a standard of respect in the relationship. This is very healthy so be understanding.
- Staring. LIKES YOU. You catch them staring at you once in a while with a subtle smile on their face while you are speaking to others. You are being admired. Relish it. This person finds the simple things you do, your sweat after the gym, and messy hair in the morning - refreshing. This is nice. BUT don't confuse the "wow I'm impressed" stare with the dead on "if we were alone, I would put you in pain for days" stare. The latter can be good idea (not to mention needed once in a while), but good doesn't mean sincere feelings. It may just mean the sexual chemistry is explosive and the true feeling is but a lit match.
- You are better than the ex. I say NOT! Someone that keeps comparing you to their ex is someone that has baggage. Yes, they can reference the ex as a base for comparison from a fresh break up, occasionally. But there are the people, that still have ex's pics everywhere (phone, online, home, etc), complains about them, find excuses to talk about them all of the time, and tells you how much better you are........move on. They need a therapist. BUT if his closest friend or parents mention it once, that's a huge plus. You ARE doing something good. Pat yourself on the back and continue the good work.
- Extended Cuddling and Sniffing. LIKES YOU. After sex and its still relatively early, they want to pull you closer and hold you all night. They hear/feel them smelling your hair and neck. They just want you close because it makes them feel good. They feel comfortable. This may even occur even when sex isn't involved like at the movies, on a walk through the mall, or at a family barbecue. Don't act like a jerk and coy by asking why they are doing that. You know why. Just let them do it subtly.
- Relatively Expensive, Hard to Get, or highly Creative Gifts. WOFT. If you are getting what you consider very expensive gifts (what most likely you can't get for yourself usually)...this can go either way. Some people learned growing up and/or believe that respect and loyalty are bought. Those people also believe that everyone has a price. The only good news here is you find out what they think yours is (this may boost confidence or hurt a lot). Examples, multi-millionaire buys you a pair of shoes and a few trinkets....you are priced low. Hotel manager buys tickets to the sold out golf tournaments that you've been dying to go to by combing the internet for weeks...you are priced high. Recent college graduate surprises you by buying oils to give you a personal "spa" afternoon and makes their specialty that takes 2 hours to make.......priced very high. Everything is relative. It depends on person, what the gift is and MORE IMPORTANTLY what thought went into the gift, whether $5 at McDonalds because they know you are hungry LOVE the burgers and fries OR a stunning diamond watch just because it would look great on you. Someone that likes you for real wants it to be just perfect. Its your happiness they want, not just an easy way to brownie points or to boost their own egos.
- Anytime, Anyplace. LIKES YOU. Example, you are at the hottest party of the year, start to feel tired and say let's go, they just say "ok" or finish their drink , start gathering their things, and initiate their goodbyes. They don't say " not yet..I can't leave my friends"; or "I'm going to the bathroom" then disappear to chat and leave you waiting around; or " You are a party pooper"; or "Have one more drink". If they want a little bit more time, they ask nicely for a reasonable extension like 20 minutes. This person enjoys being where ever you are. Its also great if most of the event, the person was next or within visible proximity to you...not because you asked, they have no friends or they think you'll get jealous. They do it because this is where they CHOOSE to be, PREFER to be. Other example, they may love their every Friday night spot, but you suggest movies and a pizza instead? They are down. A better sign is when they don't need to you invite your friends or theirs all of the time. You should be enough sometimes. BUT remember, everyone needs their personal space and time to be with their closest friends without you. Also beware of the person that ALWAYS wants to be alone with you, meet you at your/their place most of the time, or in "off the beaten path" places that aren't their usual spots. They may be trying to keep your "thing" under wraps for some reason...hummm.
- They told you so. NOT. This has not, is not and never will be an indicator of whether the person really likes you or not. They might be a good player, or bad at breaking heart,s or they really like you. Who knows?! The only way it may means something more is if the statement is unsolicited, the tone, eye contact, the moment and other factors all play well with each other. This one really requires your gut!!! Always remember.......words don't create as strong memories as actual actions do. No matter what the person says, make sure it matches the little and big things they do combined with enough time to allow these actions to repeat themselves. ALL people behave in patterns. Just like players that pretend to be "good", eventually let their true self out ; the person that is truly sincere will show this over and over again - with you, with others. Observe. Words to live by told by my mother: "You can change someones habits but not character". "A person's past and present, gives hints to their future". Don't let wishful thinking or the beautiful sounds of a 3 word phrase, knock out your senses. BUT Closed mouths don't get fed...just ask if you are ready. listen and watch.
:-)
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