Ladies Thursday Vodka Cranberry - The Coop

Today, I'm once again going to address the ladies about my do's and don'ts for reflecting a classy image without sacrificing sex appeal or comfort when on the dating/socializing scene.

NOTE:These series of posts have been broken up in 2 steps in the past few days. Since an individual's appeal starts with first impression then moves to personality/body language, the posts were subdivided accordingly. This time I'm going to lump the first impression and personality/behavior together as today's topic was hard to "separate" (after you read, you'll see why this is a pun that needs to be pardoned).

DISCLAIMER (reminder): Because there were SO many different things to write about on this subject, I decided to stick to 1 main issue each night of the Valentine's Day week 2011, one for the ladies and 1 for the gents, alternating. Just for the girls....

Thursday, February 17

Ladies

First Impression

• League of One. "Tell me the company the keep and I'll tell you who you are". This was said by Miguel de Cervantes, a Spanish author and poet in the 16th century! Many have stated similar before him and after him. We want to believe that most don't "judge a book by its cover" but it just isn't true when it comes to first impressions. We observe life in about 200 degrees with 20/20 and good peripheral vision but the world looks at us in 360 degrees..worst yet..in a sphere with various angles (SAT word of the day - parallax - look it up). Do you think you are ready to step on stage? For the ladies that can't understand why only dirty old men are approaching them...maybe its because you walked in with a small posse of girls that all look/dress similar in short little lycra dresses. That's an IDEAL situation for the guy that wants to throw a net and catch a big load for the evening. Most likely at his age, he wants to maximize his efforts and time so how perfect to speak few words to a larger audience instead of going one by one! Maybe you don't understand why a guy group's tool is sent to offer you guys to come to their table or join them for drinks. Again it's the same thought process. "One or all of them has got to bite" they think. You want to know why as an individual, you can't capture attention separate from the group, because you guys seem so stuck to each other that a guy feels obligated to lump you all into the same category - chicks. Unless you are rolling with a pack of Ugly Bettys (some do this on purpose), most likely you aren't going to stand out as an individual unless you STAND AS AN INDIVIDUAL. This doesn't mean you want to be THAT girl sitting all by herself or walking into places alone. I know company can help us women feel a little more secure especially when we think we may potentially have to deal with a pack of wolves. I'm with you. Where you lose me is: going to the bathroom together, walking to every point of the room as a huddle, dancing as a clan, all staring at the same guy, and sometimes all ordering the same drink! Remember, even if you DO stand out for whatever reason, a man that is considering an approach has to calculate whether he is ready to commit to your entire assemblage. First there is the cost to his pocket AND there is his attention. Even with committed and loyal wing man, he has to think and re-think the worth and potential outcome(s) of him entering your clique. This is why you'll see a group of girls jamming to their song and not one guy around them (or only with the chump selected to cover the expenses of that faction for the outing - or he's gay). Another point is WHO is part of your consort? You can be the nice, funny, smart, good, classy type , but if the rest of your girl band is on their 10th Tequila shots, flashing panties (intentialy or accidentally), leaning over wasted, dancing ridiculously to over-played songs (ever heard the shreaking sound of "that's my sooonnnnggg"), talking to anyone/everyone (overly accessible), crashing people's tables for free drinks, or their intelligence limits them to believing gossip mags are real news...then you are screwed. The first thing to do is step outside of yourself and observe you and your company as an entity OBJECTIVELY (like a stranger would - subjectively). Don't you wonder WHAT IS THE COMMON DENOMINATOR that links you all together? Have you heard if you walk like a duck, quack like a duck, you must be a duck? Or birds of a feather flock together? (Just realized the bird trend here - the "chicken head" label must be related to this). This is because someone's "feathers" say a lot. Black, Brown, Grey, and White pigeons all fly together. They may each be different but similar looks, behaviors and habits lead us to believe they are all the same even it there is a dove sitting among them. Would YOU sit and look at each bird or would you just throw some bread all around and hope they nibble?? How do you recover from Barricaded Uniform Clustering (BUC - don't you love my coined medical terms..lol)? Here are a few thoughts:

1. Break from the pack and walk around alone or as a pair once in a while.
2. Don't just speak to your group. Give them your back once in awhile and give eye contact to several points in the room. Seem interested in things outside of your group.
3. If you see someone you want to talk to that is looking at you, don't turn around and tell your girlfriends which will inevitably all turn and stare at hi,. Give him coy eye contact which means you are open to chat. Take a few steps to the side so he know you are ABLE to "break the chain".
4. This is the mean advice: if your friends are really acting out of your confort zone and you are feeling its a bad look for you THEN DO EXAXTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY ARE DOING. They are jumping around? Stand still and crack jokes with someone. They are downing shots? Have a glass of long drink like a sex-on-the-beach so you are sipping.
5. Find out what everyone is wearing in advance. Nothing new there right? We have all done it! But here's the kicker...make an effort to look different. This doesn't mean trying to out-glam your friends. I'm just saying to reflect a personal touch in your flair whether its in the accessories, hairstyle, color choices...whatever shows some individuality. Take a hint from Sex in the City on how to look PART of the group but still with a look that is YOUR OWN.
6. Don't go to the bathroom ALL TOGETHER. I don't get this at all. Really? Why? What can you possibly have to say between clearing your bladder, flushing and checking your makeup that you HAD to have a board meeting in a place where people get rid of their bodily WASTE (or feed their drug habits - all depends where you are)?

Personality and Body Language

• The Pack. Same as above.

:-)

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